If She Only Knew
by In these eyes x
Summary: I still love you like I did before. I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do cause the way you looked at me. If she only knew... EMAN ONESHOT


**Summary: **I still love you like I did before. I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do cause the way you looked at me. If she only knew...

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Degrassi: The Next Generation…or the storyline for Back in Black.

**If She Only Knew**

All I can do is stand there, while he is crying out for help. I have never seen him this messed up before. Sure, he has had his share of problems, but I have never seen him hit this hard before. He has never been much of an emotional type of guy, and now here he was filled with emotion, and all I can do is watch.

What we went through, it was devastating. Children our age should not have to go through something so terrible, yet they do everyday. But his situation was different. Not only did he witness death, but also he stood right next to the physco who pulled the trigger. All he was doing was trying to save me. He knew that something would have happened to me in that empty hallway if he hadn't came along. I was so grateful for him that day.

We all fell silent as we rode in that Civic, music too loud, and driving too fast. I knew that the events that would happen over the rest of the day needed to happen for different reasons. He needed to let go of all the things that he had kept inside of him for all those years.

As we pulled up at the old trailer, I hear Jay make a not so funny comment about the style of living. I see in Sean's eyes that it hurt him…he was not happy about the way his parents were, but he didn't want people criticizing where he came from, eventhough he did it so often. It was one of those, 'I can talk about it, and nobody else can' type of situations.

Ellie tried to stop him as he makes his way to the door. I could do nothing but simply tell her he needed to do this years ago. He knocked loudly, and then suddenly a small woman appears in front of him. I can barely hear the words that are being spoken, but I know what it is about. I see her hang her head in defeat and walk back towards the dingy little house. He comes walking back towards the car, his face red with anger. I have seen him angry before, but never like this. His eyes were filled with rage, and hatred.

He heads towards the beach, and we all follow behind him. Once we reach the beach, his face went from angry, to relieved. I remembered what he told me about this beach. He would come here on nights that his parents would fight. To escape the wrath of his dad. He would sit on the beach, with his feet buried in the sand and just relax. We all start to just let go of all the grudges we held against each other and simply have fun.

Sean and Jay began to bury Ellie and I in the sand. We were all laughing, and just letting everything else go. We were all having fun, until Tyler came up on the shore on a sea-do. I see Sean's eyes grow with worry. Apparently Ellie didn't know about Tyler, because Jay said 'The kid you deafened?' she looked shocked.

Of course Jay of all people would walk right up to the boy and make fun of him causing the tension between him and Sean to grow. They began to fight, and insult one another like boys tend to do. After getting them split apart, and the keys to a sea-do, we continued on with our fun, well the three of us did that is. Sean seemed distant from us. Like he was in this own little world. As I am sitting there I can see Sean and Ellie start to fight, and in his rage he hopped on the sea-do and sped off.

I watch him carefully as he tries to fight his way back onto the seat. I start to feel a small lump forming in my stomach as I notice him losing control. Suddenly the sea-do breaks loose from his grip and he falls into the water, nearly being hit by it. Ellie looks terrified as she screams his name. I start to walk towards the shore, and can see him laying face down in the water, suddenly the lump in my stomach had become a knot, and it felt as if someone was pulling on both ends of the string.

I can see Tyler, throwing on his lifejacket and stepping onto another sea-do. He speeds out into the water, stopping just before he reaches Sean's limp body. He hops off and pulls Sean's body close to his, and starts swimming back to shore as quickly as he can. I run to him, as he brings Sean's body up to the shore, and I instantly fall on my knees and begin calling out for him. His lifeless body becomes not so lifeless as he starts to cough and spit the water out of his lungs. The knot in my stomach began to loosen as I realized he was still alive. I sigh and look up at Ellie, who was trying to fight back the tears that were forming in the creases of her eyes.

Minutes went by and it seemed like he was becoming more distant from the rest of us. All three of us sat back and watched him as he sat there, alone…just looking out onto the water. I am paying a little more attention to him than the other two. They went on talking about Jay, and his problems with Alex. I, however, had my eyes focused on his back. I had this little secret power that only he knew about. I could see right threw him from time to time, and what I saw this time, it… well it scared me.

As I walk towards him, I see him flinch as I sit down beside him on the sand. I asked him what he was doing sitting all alone by himself. He simply said that he was thinking. He followed up his explanation with an apology for everything that had happened between us. Then he did it. He looked at me, in a way that could only be described as loving. A shiver went down my spine. Suddenly I didn't feel so sorry for him, but instead I felt sorry for Ellie.

Yet again, we found ourselves standing outside at the dingy trailer. Sean was at the door banging on it once again. The small woman answered the door, but this time she seemed more hurt to see him standing there. They began talking as we watched. It was sorta like watching a movie, with the television on mute. We couldn't really hear what we being said, we just sorta guessed by the expressions what was going on. Suddenly we see a man walking up behind the woman, and the exchanging of words. Sean turns around and starts walking back towards us, when the small woman jumps in front of him and stops him. Then there was a break down. Sean was in his parents' arms, and all three of them where crying.

We could do nothing but stand outside by the orange Civic while he went into the trailer with his parents. Jay and Ellie were talking about Sean and what he was going through. I was half listening to their conversations while I was lost in my own thoughts. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of him, thoughts of us.

Things went sour between us a few years back. I will never forget the way it ended. The words he said where short, but cut deep in my heart. I hated him…or so I said. Deep inside I knew it wouldn't ever be the same between us, but I still was not over him. Once he had gotten with Ellie, I knew that I could not interfere like I usually would. That was what I was good at, but this time I watched my world disappear in front of my eyes, as he was falling in love with her.

The way he looked at me on the beach and the way he protected me in that hallway, from Rick. It was all starting to make sense. I had always secretly wished that he would never get over me. Somehow, he could save a place in his heart for me…he would come back for me sometime or another. I knew that he knew I was not over him. When he had moved on, I figured that he was over our memories, and me. No doubt he loved Ellie, and she loved him to. They had somehow seemed to save each other. But the way he looked at me had conformed everything was in my favor, as conceded as it may sound…he was still in love with me.

I was brought back from my thoughts as he walked back outside. His face was red with shame, and sadness. Suddenly my pity for Ellie grew much heavier as I overheard him say that he was staying. She began to cry, as did he. She had hoped that by telling him that she loved him, he wouldn't stay, but his mind was made up. This was where he needed to be. He told her he loved her too, but he needed to be with his parents before his life came tumbling down around him.

Jay asked him if he was coming or not, and Sean told him that he was staying. Jay was like me, he knew Sean needed this time to heal himself. They exchanged a brotherly hug and Jay got into the car.

I stood there, with a blank expression on my face, not knowing whether to say goodbye to him or not. I could do nothing but get into the car. I could not bring myself to say goodbye to him, because I knew it wasn't goodbye. He would come back when he was well enough.

Ellie got into the car and was beginning to cry. As we drove off, I looked back one last time to see him standing there, with that look upon his face. With tears running down his cheeks, he stared me right into my eyes, and looked at me just like he use to. I watched him out the back window, as he stood there in sorrow, watching us leave. I couldn't help but feel a small sense of happiness.

As we continued to ride, Ellie continued to cry. I just sat there in silence and watched her tears fall. I had begun to feel sorry for her once more, as she sat there and sobbed. Sean had loved her, and that was no lie. She loved him too, and it was probably the hardest thing she will ever do; is look right into the eyes of the boy she loves not knowing the way he looks at me. I slumped down in my seat and started to feel guilty for being happy, when she was so sad. I found myself lost in my thoughts again.

If she only knew…


End file.
